Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
