I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
