I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
