i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
