I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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