can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize