It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
