also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize