I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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