singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
