what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
