I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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