did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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