My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
