you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How's work?
Spinning.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
