she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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