P.S. I can't hear my feet
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
