You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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