Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize