Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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