Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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