I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
