dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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