hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize