my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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