why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
