We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
