This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
