BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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