Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
