yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
