I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
