He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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