the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
