it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
