You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
