We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
