Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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