You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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