my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
