If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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