I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
