You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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