I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
