literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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