I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
