Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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