What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
