Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
