I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
