i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize