Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
