I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
