i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
