so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
