Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
