I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
