you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
