i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
