What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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