Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
