dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh god it's open bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
