I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
