"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
